What Is a Pattern?

A simple way to understand the learned routes shaping what we expect, avoid, repeat, and believe is possible.

A pattern is a route your mind has learned to take.

It can show up in what you believe, what you avoid, what you expect, how you respond, how you recover, how you relate, how you protect yourself, and what you think is possible for you.

Sometimes a pattern is obvious: you keep avoiding the same conversation, saying yes when you mean no, shutting down when someone seems disappointed, overthinking a decision until you feel too exhausted to make one, rescuing people and then feeling resentful, or waiting for someone else to choose you before you begin.

Other times, a pattern is quieter.

It sounds like: "This always happens to me." "I'm just not good at that." "I can't trust myself." "People like me don't get those opportunities." "If I say what I really feel, something bad will happen."

Those may feel like truths, but sometimes they are not. Sometimes they are patterns.

Patterns can be strengthened through repetition and reinforcement — repeated experiences, expectations, thoughts, emotions, responses, relationships, and environments can all contribute to routes becoming increasingly familiar.

This is not a flaw. This is part of how your mind helps you function so that you do not have to relearn everything every morning—you do not wake up and relearn how to walk, read, drive, brush your teeth, recognize your family, or understand familiar words.

Your mind builds familiar routes so you do not have to approach every moment as if it were completely new. Those routes can make life more efficient, help you anticipate what comes next, and help you adapt to the environments you are living in.

But your mind does not only repeat what is healthy, helpful, or true.

It repeats what has been practiced. It repeats what has been reinforced. It repeats what has felt familiar. It may also repeat what once helped you adapt, belong, protect yourself, or get through something. That is why a pattern can feel normal even when it is limiting you.

For example:

A pattern of avoiding hard conversations may have once helped you stay safe.

A pattern of over-explaining may have once helped you feel understood.

A pattern of rescuing may have once helped you feel needed.

A pattern of shutting down may have once helped you survive overwhelm.

A pattern of proving may have once helped you earn approval.

A response that became familiar for understandable reasons may not be the response you want automatically shaping what happens next.

And change does not begin by shaming the pattern, pretending it came from nowhere, or deciding that the pattern is who you are. It begins with recognition: "I see what is happening. This is a pattern. And a pattern can be worked with."

You are not fixed.

You are patterned.

And many of the patterns that have been trained can be trained differently.

This is where Internal Literacy begins: learning to recognize the route without confusing the route with who you are.

One rep to practice

Today, notice one repeated response. Not to fix it. Just to see it.

Ask yourself:

"What keeps happening here?"

"What do I usually do?"

"What does this pattern seem to protect, avoid, prove, control, or repeat?"

Learning to see the pattern is the first rep.

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About the Author: 

Christina Renée Joubert is an author, educator, speaker, and Human Pattern & Capability Architect. She teaches Internal Literacy and pattern retraining, helping people understand the patterns shaping how they think, choose, respond, relate, learn, work, and become — across everyday life, education, workforce, and organizational settings. If you’d like to learn more about Christina or her work, please go to christinareneej.com.